Here I am, standing in front of my window...gazing into nothing. Everything is covered by snow. It's cold outside. As cold as my soul once was...
The truth is there was always a gap in me...a gap now filled by you my love. In some strange way I feel like you were always here with me. Like you were always part of me. Now you are no longer part of me. You are me. As well as I am you. We are one. One heart, one heart beat, one soul.
I will always be fascinated by you. By your smile or even half of a smile, by your laughter, by the way you slip and fall in to the snow, by your tears, by your sorrow...by everything that is YOU.
Everytime I looked inside me all I could find was this heartless, cold monster ruled by reason and its hunger for destruction. This untained beast growing apart from my very own soul. This stranger that lies beneath theese bored eyes. This alienated conscience that I had to lock inside so deep inside my mind that not even I could find it. This animal which is very aware of its existance, this beast that allways found a way to damage irreparably every obstacle in finding you. This monster that its also in love with you. This said, i acknowledge that even my farthest part of consciousness or rather said inconsciousness is in love with you.
Two years have passed now but I still love you more as the days pass. If once I was obsessed by time, now I find time just slipping away when I have you in my arms. Your eyes are an inexhaustible fountain of happyness to my soul. Eyes in which I get lost every day but still feel right at home.
Once I've accepted this weight on my shoulders, the weight of the world as many would say. This curse to not only see but tell the "truthful" horrible truth. This weight of balance and pure equality regardless the ethics and morals involved. So forgive me for loving you and sharing my burdain with you.
"How could she love a dead man?" I asked myself when I took the decision to wellcome you into my mind. Instead of running away and fearing my esence, you embraced it and told me you feel completed. From that day on I knew that no man, no deity will take you away from me.
I will never forget the first time I have looked into your eyes. I've felt in a strange way that you are my end. That you can release my soul. That only dying next to you is a worthy death. I would choose eternal damnation if it would mean keeping you forever. What are you to me if not that beautifull red rose in the midle of my desert. That very one thing that matters, that very one thing that makes it all worth.
This is the kind of love in front of which even gods bow their heads. The kind of love that screams away "You'll never take uss alive!" .
If I've been "drifting away from the lights in my life" then now I happily embrace the darkness if darkness is my love for you. You used to say that I am cursed to love you...that all you can bring me is pain. But love never reallly is apart from pain. Is it? True love digs so deep inside your soul that it hurts. True love rips into pieces all that is earthly bound and sets escence free.
Harsh words may come out of my mouth when talking about this god-forsaken world but when it comes to my love for you, words just silence themselves because my mouth cannot speak the love I hold for you.
This is the only sentence that relates to how much I cherish you and your love (and it's far to less compared to what I really feel) " I wish I could dig myself a little hole inside your precious heart" (Staind). Just like a little mouse.
I have no other wish besides holding you in my arms for all eternity... I LOVE you!